Why did I start firewalking? The superficial answer I gave Joe White on the phone back in 2020 was "I want to try it, I think it's cool." That answer, three years later, seems so infinitesimally small.

Back in 2020, I hit a rock bottom. I hit a couple of other ones back when I moved back home from Ohio, lost my parents, etc. But back in 2020 I realized a very painful truth, I was still playing out my childhood patterns. I was stuck in dissociation, pain, and trying to numb myself out of what I was feeling. Daydreaming and fantasy became a problem when I was seeking emotional rewards from it. Something I considered a strength, my creativity, turned against me.

I wish my description of firewalking on the main page was my first experience. It wasn't. I walked a total of four times, that night, because I kept looking down at the coals and not straight ahead for the photographer. I didn't really feel anything when I walked. I was barely there. When I managed to look up my smile was fake and my body was stiff. It was like being born and not knowing how to move.

I worked with a therapist, a life coach, and eventually found Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (ACA) and worked the twelve steps.

Now I firewalk to remind myself to celebrate my life to celebrate this moment. It took a lot of effort and meditation to break that addiction to dissociation and day dreaming. I sometimes stick my toes in the water, but it's just too cold.

Anything else?

No. Thanks for sharing.  Why teach others?